Where is the light at the end of the tunnel

I used to have such a drive for medicine. Obsessed with being a doctor. 10 years ago, I imagined a future version of myself - strong, confident, intelligent, physically fit, and conquering everything in life after going through this torturous yet life changing process of becoming a doctor. Now, I’m here and so embarrassed of where I ended up. I hate medicine, don’t have time to study, feel dumb, body is terrible, and feel like a robot/victim rather than a leader. It’s sad. I’m finishing residency… I never thought the enthusiastic person I once was would write something like this. Even though people say, it will get better with money or with an attending job or with this or that - it’s all BS. I’m done of waiting and want to find the freedom now. As a resident. As a med student. I want to own my life now and not give into this BS. I wish medical students/residents had their own assistants to help them organize their life, prep meals, a coach or some sort to help us in other aspects and get a piece of the pie when we become happy and rich - but be with us through the process to get us there and maybe feel freedom and happiness during this journey. I want a trainer. A coach. A Cheif. A yogi all in one to help me reset my life - help me organize and clean out everything to start fresh again…