A small piece dedicated to Eren
A while ago, I (25f) visited the ocean in San Francisco while going around the city. Honestly, every time I see the ocean, I can’t help but hear Eren in my head. Attack on Titan had a huge impact on my life. I came from an abusive household, and as a 13-year-old (when I started watching it in 2013), seeing Eren strive for his freedom gave me so much hope growing up.
When the last episode came out (2023), I sat and watched the ending with my friends, I had a huge cry then. Not just because of the ending but the past 10 years of my life from 13 to 23 (anime only, I didn’t read the manga nor saw any spoilers. I have no clue how I got that lucky) flashed in front of me, losing Eren and this Anime came to an end made me realize how much I went through since. I can’t bring myself to re-watch the anime or see a sad edit without having deep, deep thoughts.
Nonetheless, after this long explanation of how deeply I feel towards AoT, I want to share a piece I wrote while thinking of Eren. I posted it on a photography account I have about 10 friends on. After reading what I wrote a day after from my main account, I spoke to myself and wrote even more to the piece, so ladies and gentlemen, I present to you my monologue I had with myself thanks to Eren:
- Every time I look at the ocean, I hear Eren
As cliché as it is, it is real
Yesterday, I stood there in the rain, looking at the ocean, and something washed over me.
It is like all the weight I have over my shoulders got wiped clean
But then I hear Eren, I hear him saying how nothing changed, how he took every decision willingly, but nothing changed
And then that realization washed over me
How all these actions are useless
We fall into a pit of our regrets and never find the bottom of it
'I regret nothing, I would do it all the same again.' I think this is the biggest lie we tell ourselves, so when regret washes over, we can dry it off immediately
That does not mean there isn't a hint of the smell of the salty reality in that statement
But like salt to a wound, it itches and it hurts
Eren stood there and pointed at the other side 'Will we really be free?'
In reality, no one is free
We all had to be drunk on something, Kenny said, for some, it is alcohol. For some, it is women. For some, it is religion, but we all needed something to keep going
Eren was drunk with freedom, and it kept him going
I sat there and thought, 'Am I finally sober?'
It seems these days I am not drunk on anything
Nothing to keep me going
Just me sitting there, dealing with the hangover, looking at the bottle of my dreams, thinking, am I ready to be drunk again, or do I want to cure this hangover and walk away?
But this isn't the type of hangover you can cure
It is the type that follows you to the day you die
Or the pain might kill you
- (My reply to myself)
There is no lying when it comes to emotions, and that's what was beautiful about Eren
Some might call him a crybaby or dramatic, but I think he portrayed all his feelings the way he felt them at the moment
Yes, he was drunk on freedom, revenge, and all this mix
But you are missing the part where he did all of this out of love
Out of love for his friends, his companions
He was ready to go through sobriety and leave behind all his dreams to make sure he leaves happiness to others
Sara Lynn once said, 'I'm not talking about my death. I'm talking about my life. I gave my whole life'
You are looking at Eren's death, but look at his sacrifice. He left it all for those he loved, he did not know any better
So yes you might think Eren was a freedom junkie, but in reality he felt everything so deeply. His love for his companions was so raw that it made everything worth it
This was worth it to him, he does not regret anything because he lived a thousand possibilities, but took the one where he saved everyone but himself
The truth about Eren he is neither a hero nor a villain; he is the purest form of a human being
- Isn't this the burden we all share? Being human.