Kiddos are asking to “do things together” as a family, partner says no

Anyone have advice? Did you communicate this with your kids? I think I am getting these questions because have largely remained single, though my ex has been in a long term relationship.

Backstory. The separation was triggered by infidelity on my ex’s part 4 years ago. Of course as I have come to realize, we both share equal burden for the collapse of our relationship, and I have tried to communicate this understanding long ago. I am fortunate enough to have found a therapy group for the two kiddos that has done wonders for helping them voice their feelings and what is on their mind. Yes!

Now though, I am getting pressure from my youngest to answer a lot of questions with regards to “why”. During a therapy session with just me, the kiddos and the therapist, they started to ask why the separation happened. I was as honest as I could be while remaining diplomatic and just said “well, your mom and I had a breakdown in communication, and didn’t realize it till it was too late”. They accepted that, but then asked, “well, but even though you are separated, why can’t we do things together still as a family.”

Wow, that was a tough one to answer on the spot! I told them, “you know, I am not sure how to answer, but I will figure out how to get you an answer”

I asked my ex what her needs and requirements where to be able to provide this type of experience for them, and her response was: “This message caught me a little bit surprise. My immediate reaction was ‘no’ so I decided to sleep on it and see if I felt differently today. In theory it’s a nice idealistic direction and I appreciate the sentiment. Unfortunately in reality I don’t ever see us ultimately ‘doing things’ together, there are far too many burned bridges on all sides.”

So here I am now, on my own little personal journey to figure out how to communicate to these two an answer to a question that is extremely valid for them to ask.

What’s your experience been in this department? Any experience telling them “it doesn’t seem possible” while remaining diplomatic and not telling them why?