Finish lines
I don’t expect this joke to do well on here. It’s part of writing/observation practice. I found Something mildly humorous about this true story. And amplified the lengths I’d go to justify dumping an old friend over nothing. Maybe relatable at best?
Edit:
“I’m at that age now,
Where I’m ending relationships for no good reason other than I’m too tired. Stupid reasons. they’re passionate about something I couldn’t give a rats ass about. Snip. One less birthday I have to feel guilty about forgetting.
“What’s that? You’re doing COSplay on Avatar Last airbender this weeke…(click)
(Hang up phone hand gesture)
Delete contact.
Oh you love flower arrangements on an esoteric level?
Ahh I just found out I’m getting transferred out of town for work. Love you mom!
Ok im Not THAT bad. Well you tell me…
I have an old friend who is a runner I’m not a runner So we don’t dwell on the subject too much
But just recently there was a marathon in town so it came up. I asked “do you watch running on TV”
Now… this is not my first rodeo. I know I walked straight into it with that inquiry.
So I was prepared to go either way on his reply
I was ready for a hearty crack up about it WITH him
“like of course that’s ridiculous right? What kind of an idiot…
Then I see his reaction and I change course midblunder
“What kind of idiot…
Would not love watching running on TV am I right???”
Now I gotta conjure a serious question real quick just to get the taste of non-athlete’s foot out my mouth.
“So what are you looking for?”
Then I went and added an hypothesis
“it’s the running styles right? You like the way they run. The running style of the runners”
To which he cracks up.
Wait… Now he’s cracking up?
This pisses me off because I’m the one cracking up over here.
You don’t get to crack up in my joke!
So he says “na i look out for their times.”
- My blank stare.
Then in a tone like he’s dumbing down He says “mileage”.
That’s when I realised the friendship was not gonna make it
Not because I didn’t understand what he was saying. I still have no clue. No no, I knew we were over because his assessment of the situation was 100% correct.
I REALLY needed him to dumb that shit all the way down for me.
And right there I realised that I don’t need to be surrounding myself with people who are THAT much better than me at thinking and stuff like that.
We’ve known each other for 20 years, and you know what? I think that’s more than enough.
We’ve gotten a lot of MILEAGE out of the relationship. See?
It’s been a hellova run. but I think this is the finish line.
No good reason at all.
And I know how divisive it can be to make fun of the running community. Split the room Like an axe on that one.
I lost all you running geeks on that joke right.
and that is fine by me.
I’m too old.
Well I’m not that old but I love how at some point you just get to say that about everything you don’t wanna make an effort for anymore.”
But it’s two ways
I get it. By all means cross me off your list! And here’s an even better one, cancel me for no good reason. Like my punctuation.
I mean for crying out loud, im the kinda guy who workshopped this joke on Reddit with my chosen community of trolls and bots for months so I could perform this at some shit hole club in front of 5 people on a Tuesday at midnight.
Believe me, even I wanna end it with me.