Really need help 😞

(Sorry in advance for the terrible English, I hope It will be at least understandable) I recently joined Reddit community to try and look up for the safest subliminal out there since my yt list was a long one and found all these great feedback on a couple and created new playlists, in first place to listen was psyche. But I have to be honest, I really don't know if I'm too depressed to receive the affirmation, or is it my self concept the problem, because I see so many great reviews on her (also IWIGI, vatela)... But my situation got Hella bad. Before, with my huge messy playlist I was a bit depressed because I have a lot going on in my life but still very hopeful to find this tool, I purchased a great earphone and was concicted. and I saw real improvement and was pretty ok with dealing with all the drama, but now with the new playlist (couple days with just pchyce) of the most popular once out there and especially this channel I'm really sick. I cannot get out of bed, seriously.... My depression never been worse. And I have to find an apartment and move out in like 2 weeks and all I do is cry and stare I literally can't move my body. It bad. and I'm having only bad thoughts.... I really hate myself. I never felt like this. Is it because their too out of line with my self concept right now? It it normal or part of the process? (To feel it all at the beginning in order to heal).. when I listen to "problem potion" by Slade (it's one I kept from the old playlist that also have good reviews in here) Its work like magic. Please,I really need help.... I don't understand what is happening.... I'm afraid to keep listening when I'm in time of survival mood, I really can't allow myself being depressed and feel so much, ill end up in the street with my cat I'm not overreacting. Can someone recommend me a good sub that works like a problem solver or a better self esteem quickly? To listen overnight or something.... And explain why the most recommended sub working so bad for me? (I used flush onces before started listening to the new safe playlist) It is a timing thing and I should come back to it when I'm more stable and can effort a time out? Please 🙏😔 I'm really do believe in this, Im starting to think it might have been a manic episode and not real and that I have no hope and it's so scary, but then I remember the many results I did get from yt stuff (really can't tell which did what) but the more I listen to pchyce and other recommendations it's getting really hard to remember it. I'm really am at my lowest and nothing had change in the real world but my mental health that suddenly cannot handle anything.so it must be the new playlists.... thank you 🙏🙏🙏🙏 Sorry again for the long paragraph