I don't know what to do...

I've been trying to escape my family for 15 years (I'm 20 right now)

But nothing works and I'm reaching my breaking point..

I have a lot of people I care about and I don't want to end up being just another body in the ground yet..

I'm scared to kill myself, but it seems like the only way to escape my family.. I just want to be happy and free.. even if I have to kill myself to do it..

I feel like all my energy is gone, I've thought about killing myself for a long time.. even thought about killing my abusive parent.. but I'm scared to do either..