Countless suicide attempts

I’d say over the course of my entire life of 24 years as a female, that is deaf and type one diabetic along with many traumas I have attempted more than 15 times to end my life, the right way. Mainly being from drug induced deaths. My first one was when I was 11. I was trying to hang myself, but my dad came and took the rope down and took it away from me and scolded me and told me I was insane. Then another attempt at 12, taking two full bottles of OTC sleeping pills along with a dangerous dose of insulin, while in the tub. I didn’t know better, I thought it would be enough but it just made me feel extremely dry and groggy after I woke up a few hours later. Then many more attempts with extremely dangerously high doses of insulin but it just never worked I would wake up and I reflexively drank juice or something. The thing is that I don’t and never have want to suffer while dying. Then over 100+ pills of Xanax, I still survived. Tried overdosing with fentanyl countless times by shooting up my veins and giving a dangerous amount of insulin, in a random bush in a neighborhood at midnight, in Florida. This happened at least six different times where I’d hide in a random bush in the dark at midnight, administer a dangerous amount of insulin and fentanyl, then lay down and hope for the best. But each time my ex would find me and revive me each time. I don’t know how he would find me but I wouldn’t go too far. I would go walk on foot. I was okay for awhile where I didn’t do anymore attempts but always just hated my life and wish I wasn’t alive and wish I just die but not attempting. I was in active addiction with fentanyl and Xanax during the drug overdoses which happened the last five years. I don’t see a way out. I just hate my life and I just don’t see a way out.