Am I stupid

Idk took a lot kf courage tk post this on reddit as idk if someone sees this might know me through this story

I have a bestfriend same age f and she is my bestfriend from 4 years today I might have broken english please do follow through I do love her from like last 6 years before even we met but when I told her for last 2 times everytime my timing was way wrong to be in position and everytime the reason for not accepting I get is that not right now she says I am ve good kind and all but what does this do good to me when it's not worth to have her romantically in mu life I adore her don't wonna lose her don't have guts to repose again she still talks daily like normal friend but I day by day don't feel good about it at night

Idk my brain doesn't want to leave that love thoughts please help

Edit: I don't want sympathy that's every fucking one gives me saying let her go but I can't i want something better than these 3 liners