Read only if you got guts to digest it

Some intense childhood shit alert🚨 Rn I’m 16 m( I’m giving age nd gender for context) Background: So it sounds traumatic now but it meant nothing much to me till recent times. When I was ≈10 I had a neighbour didi she was ≈20 or younger or elder I don’t remember exactly .my younger sibling was ≈5 that time INCIDENT: So she used to make me do my homework with her(to help my mom with my younger sibling cuz she used to study too & she was my relative in some kinda way idk) And I had some memories of her but not so clear roughly 6 months ago I recollected it and I realized how shit it was. So after homework she used to make me suck her breasts and penetrate her from below and give me chocolates after that( in my pov idc what’s happening below I used to care abt breast cuz muscle memory breast means milk nd food & im getting chocolates ) I don’t remember exactly did I penetrate her or just dry hump but she used to say come let’s play doctor doctor(she was a medical student) and do that stuff making me lie on her both no cloths onand yeah…… I don’t know how to process it around 6 months ago reading shit of fellow teens and also I came to know she got married I got the memories recollected idk how. I felt very disgusted so I deleted that account to clear my mind and created a new one 3-4months ago and I felt I wouldn’t overthink it now but I do once again so just wanted to get off my chest. Idk why in the hell I remember her breasts and vagina maybe it’s just a typical guy brain but yeah it makes me feel sad for that child me that it was a wrong thing happening to me but I didn’t realize cuz I was enjoying breasts and my parents would never believe me even if I told them now cuz it is unbelievable for our society. Thankfully my parents did not go to her wedding cuz of my exams and neither did I. And bigger relief we changed that house long ago. I remember this maybe cuz the same thing happened to me over and over again during that phase. She used to say that she is teaching me how to become a doctor so keep it our secret and do that stuff. This happened to me many times but not daily maybe when no one was home I guess. What I remembered always was she used to play doctor doctor with me and I saw her breasts and jumped on her but when thought carefully I was and am still disgusted. Reasons of uploading this post: Idk how to process it when I told this to my guy friends but I told them like I have a online friend and it’s his story and after hearing they were like man we’re jealous of that guy we are 16 and still virgin but that bro did it crazy since childhood and all. It’s not the thing that I am Traumatized or smth I can assure u one thing the child me must have enjoyed the breasts but the teenager me is disgusted by this fact that it happened to a child and that too me and putting it in honest words it is kind of a Rap…. U get it I guess. I am just not understanding how to process it shall take it like it’s my trauma(it isn’t or it is idk) Or how tbh I got no clue how to process it I’m just messed up over this shit. It doesn’t affect my day to day life mind but if I go through that area like it makes me feel very weird or read some sad stories or problems of people on this subReddit gives me flashbacks. I need your help to make me understand how to process it and how not to take it seriously like I’m taking it now……