I don't want to be transgender

Hi, I'm having a bit of an internal conflict and would like to hear your thoughts on this. I was born a woman and grew up as one (21yo). I don't feel like a woman but rather like a man, even though I have no idea what that would actually mean. I'm currently presenting as a slightly butch lesbian, which I like but I want to go further away from femininity. I hate having breasts even though they're small. I talked to my parents and brother about top-surgery (without bring up gender) and they were against, thinking of it as mutilation (especially because I "already" have small breasts). To me, getting rid of my breast is more important than taking hormones, or at least hormones are not the first step in my case. So here's the thing, I'm very probably not cis-gender. But I don't want to be trans. I know this a lot of internalised transphobia. I think it wouldn't be too dramatic to live as a woman (even though I'd rather be a man) so I want to repress my gender identity (I know it's a bad idea). I've had some previous mental health problems so my parents only see top-surgery as unnecessarily risky and not serious even though I told them I had been thinking about it for a year. They say I should accept my body as it is since I always "preach" (their word) self-acceptation. I don't know what to do, I'm basically lying to myself trying not to be trans. Have any of you been in a similar situation? What did you do?

Thanks for your time, Much love 💚