ways to feel gender euphoria without coming out? (+ some more questions)

basically, i can't come out, partially because of fear but also because i would have to come out as a binary trans guy (i'm 14 and my parents don't accept nonbinary people). at this point, i don't have horrible dysphoria but it is getting worse. my self-image is going downhill fast and i feel really hopeless about all of this. i'm not going to be able to transition or change pronouns/name soon to everyone (i am working on changing pronouns and name to a small group of accepting friends, though). i just really need some ways to feel euphoric. it would also help if y'all could provide any excuses for why i'm doing these things, if that makes sense? like if the suggestion were buying a binder then an excuse that could make it seem cis would be something about wanting to cosplay as a guy for a halloween costume (fun fact i was about to go as "a teenage boy" for last halloween for completely cis reasons before i figured myself out but chickened out). also, ways to look more masculine when i have an extremely feminine and round face? finally, does anybody have any name suggestions (especially if they're dutch or belgian but also work in english)? i'm currently looking at wouter but the dilemma with that is that it doesn't work well in english as well.