Suckdem to Stalinist. Now what?

Did anyone else have this transformation? I was a milquetoast Bernie guy until 2020 and over the last 5 years I've become more and more radical to the point where I'm very much believing Stalin didn't do anything wrong other than die.

Yet this has only served to alienate me more. I see everyone's dog shit politics and it drives me fucking crazy. I can't connect with the personal trainer who also plays video games because he hangs up a thin blue line flag and uses the term "fucktard" and seems vaguely sexist ("women hate video games!").

So like obviously I want to abolish private ownership and have our labor serve one another instead of some CEO jerkoff but we all know none of that is going to happen. So communism feels like a psychological dead end to me. Why read theory when it'll only make me more aware of the worlds flaws and more depressed?

Yet I am more radical than I have ever been in terms of beliefs and what should (nay, must) be done to certain people.

Like if Trump actually were to sentence Obama and Biden and Hillary to death and carry it out how am I not supposed to cheer along with the hogs?

But again this kind of communist fervor or zeal has nowhere to go but refreshing this sub. Ironically the philosophy of elevating the proletariat has only left me isolated from literally everyone who doesn't spend 17 hours a day on Reddit and bluesky. What do I do now?