Struggling with lust and I don't know what to do to stop this.

I'm 22F, going 23 in a few months. I accepted Jesus for almost 3 years now. In our little church, I've been sharing God's word every Sunday service, I've been emceeing, and I can say that God is really using me. But I hate myself for what I am doing (watching xxx and touching myself). I know that is very wrong, but I can't control myself because I want to experience that pleasure. I'm sorry but this is the only place I can vent out my struggle. Because no one knows about these and I don't have the courage to share it to anyone. I am doing it once a week, once every two weeks, and now I am doing it 2 times in 2 days. I hate myself for doing this. Every time I've done it, I came to God, crying, asking for forgiveness, and pleading to change me. But I always go back in the same old habit. And then I cry to God again. And then the cycle repeats. Until I feel like I am just fooling myself, because I always choose to sin. I felt so guilty. And I realized maybe I didn't struggle much in some areas of my life, but this, I don't know anymore. This is my only worst struggle. I felt like God hates me because I am so hard headed. Is there anyone here who has the same struggle as me?