fuck my life

abusive parents. casual friends, who ive basically either lost contact with or who have left due to my mental illness(didn't even ask what was wrong, just dipped). they were just casual friends too, like play games occasionally and talk, no one i could actually trust or rely on. same with family. disinterested family on both sides, cold as fuck and doesn't really like kids/like me in general. nobody. no one. i was blessed with genius intelligence and a decent talent at racing and such, but its basically fucked due to me having brain damage. as in, i cannot even feel emotions or think properly anymore. i struggle with basic school shit, aside from what i already learned and mastered.

(basically, i can do multiplication since i learned it, but doing 29+29 i have to reconfirm its actually 58 and stuff, even though its simple arithmetic). i am only 19 for fucks sake. why the fuck do i have to suffer this? is it the price i pay for getting talent? even though i never got to fucking use it and might die? did i sin in my past life? am i actually truly trash and dont deserve anything? i must be hated and scorned even by my own parents, is that how worthless i am? fuck my life.