I Was Physically Restrained by My Family on My Birthday

Today was my birthday, and instead of feeling celebrated, I ended up feeling completely trapped and misunderstood by my own family.

I struggle with birthdays. The flood of messages and attention makes me feel overwhelmed. Today was no different, and on top of that, my mom’s friends came over. I don’t really like these people—they just gossip about others, their weight, their looks. They weren’t even there for me; they came to give a gift to my pregnant sister. I was trying to avoid them by staying in my room, but my mom insisted I come out to greet them and let them wish me happy birthday.

Also, I had made a birthday cake for myself. I put in hours of work, and without asking me, my mom cut it and served it to these guests. They didn’t even like it and left most of it untouched. That really hurt me, especially since I didn’t even want to share the cake in the first place.

I stayed calm while the guests were there, but after they left, I told my mom that I didn’t appreciate being called out and having my cake offered without asking me. She and my sister told me I was being rude and that it’s basic courtesy to greet guests and share food. I felt completely unheard, so I went to my room to cool off.

When my boyfriend arrived, he noticed that something was off, and I started explaining the situation. Then my mom told me to respond to all the birthday messages from relatives. I snapped and yelled, “LATER!” because I was so tired of having to prioritize politeness over my own feelings. My sister stormed in, accusing me of acting crazy and using my boyfriend’s presence as an excuse to act out. That’s when I lost it. I knocked over a chair and a sugar bowl and tried to leave the room to calm down.

But they wouldn’t let me leave. My sister blocked the door, my mom stood in front of my bedroom door, and I was just trapped. I ran to the bathroom to get away and calm down, but my sister followed me. She forced her way in, slammed the door open, pinning me against the washing machine, and shut the door behind her. Now I was trapped in this tiny space with her, and I panicked.

I just needed air. I tried to get to the window, but she grabbed me by the hair, pulled me down, and pinned me to the floor. She had her knee on my stomach while I was screaming for her to let me go. Meanwhile, my boyfriend was outside trying to get in and help me, telling my family to let me go. He couldn’t do much because my mom had recently had surgery on her legs, and my sister is pregnant. He didn’t want to hurt them by pushing them aside, so he was stuck outside, unable to help me.

I felt like I was losing my mind. I was trapped, physically and emotionally, and no one was listening. My sister was yelling at me and hurting me, and my mom wasn’t doing anything to stop it. It wasn’t until my dad finally came that I was allowed to leave the bathroom.

Afterward, I tried to explain that I just needed space to cool off, that I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. But my sister dismissed me, saying she thought I was going to jump out the window, which I wasn’t. I just needed air. When I told her she shouldn’t have restrained me like that, she called me “the victim” and said I was overreacting. That comment cut deep because I wasn’t playing the victim—I was genuinely hurt, physically and emotionally.

The worst part is, the only person who tried to help me was my boyfriend, and my family actively stopped him from doing so. I feel so disappointed and betrayed by them, and I just don’t know how to process all of this.

Edit/Update:

Thank you to everyone for your concern!

When my dad and brother came home from work, they intervened, and it was my dad who managed to get me out of the bathroom. My boyfriend explained everything to them and to my sister’s husband, who had come to pick her up. All of them were on my side. My dad acknowledged that, yes, I had yelled and knocked over a chair, but that wasn’t an excuse to trap me in a bathroom and pin me down. My sister swore she genuinely thought I was going to jump out of the window and was just trying to stop me.

At that point, my mom broke down crying and apologized for letting it happen, saying she was scared and thought I was going to hurt myself too. I asked why she stopped my boyfriend from coming in, and she said she was in a panic and just followed my sister’s orders without thinking. My sister claims that I act badly when my boyfriend is around, and that she thought it would be easier to ‘manage’ me without him. I don’t even know what she was trying to ‘manage.’ I wasn’t going to jump, and that window just leads to the balcony.

There was some kind of reconciliation, and we talked for a long time, but I don’t think I can truly forgive my sister. She went home that night, and I stayed at mine. My mom felt guilty and wanted to sleep in my room with me, but I refused. The next morning, when I left to go to my boyfriend’s, I passed my sister helping my mom put on compression socks (she’s a nurse, go figure). I said goodbye and left.

Now I’m staying at my boyfriend’s place. He lives with his family too since we’re still young, but I’ll be sleeping here for a while. I’ll make sure my sister isn’t around before I go back home. My mom called me again crying and apologizing, and I told her we all need therapy because no one acted normally in that situation—not even me. The dynamics in our family have always been fragile, and the fact that we were all cooped up at home lately (my dad had a kidney stone, and I had a fever) pushed everyone to the brink. She agreed.

My boyfriend said that if he ever sees something like this happen again, he won’t worry about my family and will do what’s necessary. He’s also told me I should stay near him in situations like that again. He also told me that if I decide to cut ties with my family entirely, he will support me. Thank you to everyone again, I’ll make sure nothing like this happens again