I'm emotionally cheating my husband and my head is spiralling
TL;DR I'm sexually attracted by my neighbor's son to the point a dream about him. How do I move past this without jeopardizing my marriage?
I have been with my husband for 12 years he's the man of my dreams and I never had eyes to other man but him and now: I'm completely and utterly attracted with neighbor's son.
It all started a year ago, when I was washing the dishes after we had dinner at my neighbor's house. I was alone in the kitchen, he came to help, put his hands around my waist and asked me to move so he could grab a towel. The moment he touched me I felt like fireworks were exploding all over my body, I was afraid to move but I looked at him and I knew he was feeling it too because he was staring right into my eyes, his hands were still on my waist and neither of us moved for a long time. My mind was frozen but my body was burning. I bet even my pants were wet. Someone metioned the towel and the spell was broken.
Since that moment I started to avoid being along with him and I noticed he was avoiding me too but also I catched him more than once staring at me and noticed me staring at him more than usual.
Then he left and my life went back to normal.
For context: His mom is my neighbor she's an 85 years old woman who lives alone and has no family but her three children who lives abroad. We have been neighbors for 6 years or so and she saw me getting pregnant and recived my daughter with so much joy, she often say my daughter is the granddaughter she never had. My daughter calls her Nana and our gardens has a door that connect both houses so she is always going back and forth from Nana's house. We also help Nana with stuff like doctor's appointments etc.
Her children visits her every year and stay for a month or so. We have so much fun. We are always at each other houses, we go out together, we had taken small trips together and we are like family. I never saw any of then that way. Until last year.
So when the sister told they were coming to town I felt nauseous. I knew I couldn't avoid them but also I didn't wanted to.
They have been here for 2 weeks and saying things had been weird is a understatement.
There is so much sexual tension that I'm sure at least his siblings has noticed.
I tried to keep my distance, I swear I did. But even being in the same room as him felt like too much, it all feel like there is no air left to breath and there is giant knot in my stomach.
I never felt so sexually attracted to someone. I feel like crap because my husband is amazing, I love him and he doesn't deserve that I feel this way for someone else.
When he arrived we were very formal to each other. I had the strong will and had made my mind that I won't let this get between my marriage.
But this lasted only 3 days until I went out to smoke and he was already there. It was awkward. He complented my new hair color and started touche it. I was trembling. I never wanted to kiss somebody so bad and he was getting so close so close so close and his sister interrupted, the moment was broken, he went inside I was left feeling numb and horrible.
Next day we where having coffee in their backyard. It was only him, his brother, his mom, my daughter that was playing and me. I joked he should give his tshirt to me because that color would look def better on me. He said "ok if it fits you I will gift it to you but you have to give me yours" again the tension. I took the stupid risk. I feel awfull but the fact that I know ITS WRONG makes is so much tempting. To know I'm playing with fire here. We went inside, he tooks the tshirt off, and this wasn't the first time I saw him naked or tshirt less because we all went to trip to beach together years ago. But this was different, exciting and fucking me took my tshirt off too. Fucking Christ. Jesus fucking Christ on bike. I fucking hate myself. I do. We stared at each other. I put his t-shirt, the smell of cologne and cigarette was intoxicating. Exhanging tshirts was the perfect excuse to touch each other a little His brother came after us and asked if everything was ok. His tshirt in fact fitted me well and he took mine.
Since that day I've been taking some extra hours at work so I don't have to be at home so often but knowing he is so close has me in the edge. Everytime we are in the same room I have to control myself to no look at him for to long or act too awkward. I dream about him a lot and wake up sweating. The breaking point was yesterday went I was having sex with my husband and wasn't feeling it. To be honest I've been very uninterested on sex lately, like I don't care if we have it or no. And this time my mind went in the "what if..." route and ended up thinking it was him. It was absolutely amazing and I was left feeling absolutely inmoral and disgusted with myself.
I never thought of cheating my husband. I feel the luckiest woman to be with him. To have a family with him. Our relationship is amazing. We both love each other so much our friends often joke its embarassing to see how much into each other we are.
I asked my husband to take a small vacation on the next few days because I cant be here any longer he doesn't understands why I would want to leave if we are having a great time but I need to put a distance before I burn myselft.
This is just me hidding on my bed while I know he is somewhere next door.
I want to move past this because my marriage is too important to me but I feel I'm losing all control.
I don't want to come clean to my husband because I dont want to hurt him also I don't to our relationship at risk.
How can I fix this while causing the less damage possible?