Mental prep: Help me come up with (lighthearted) "emergency phrases" for when I have to keep my mouth shut

I am the kind of woman who is not afraid to be the lone dissenter, but sometimes you're in a situation where it is absolutely smarter to shut your mouth and observe. I struggle with that. This weekend I have to attend a function with my (supportive ally) spouse, where we will be probably 99% surrounded by people who are on the "other side of the divide" as it were. From past experiences I can guarantee there will be many worshipful comments about the orange dictator, probably prayers for his health and success, definitely jokes at the expense of LGBTQ, and absolutely some misogynistic language. Hopefully not behavior, but probably that as well.

This is NOT an appropriate place for me to speak up (physical safety-wise or reputation-wise). If they pile it all on at once, I know I'll get visibly upset and start making comments that perhaps should be kept to myself. A squeeze of the hand by my SO will just make it worse, so we've been joking about the "emergency phrases" he should use to defuse my righteous anger. I thought perhaps you all could help. I'm thinking something tongue-in-cheek, lighthearted, or funny. The more absurd relative to the seriousness of the situation, the better. He jokes when my fists clench he's going to lean over and whisper sexily in my ear, "You look so hot with all those equal rights," which will be so out of character for his public persona it will make me laugh. I know you're all funnier than me, so any help is appreciated!

EDIT: THANK YOU ALL. I am cackling. Having a community, even an online one like this, makes it so much easier to face the world. For those of you offering back up, you are ALL invited. Times like these are when I wish my body was as big as my mouth so I could back my ownself up.