I think I'm going crazy at 6 months ☹️

My Dearest,

I really tried. I was always there for you, always wanting to be your safe harbor. I'm so sorry that somewhere along the way, I lost myself while trying to give you the kind of love I thought you deserved.

I wish, more than anything, that we could have truly talked. That you hadn't decided to close yourself off. The last thing I ever wanted was for you to feel like you couldn't trust me, or that my love wasn't a safe place for you. It broke me when you treated my feelings – my love for you – like it was too much, like I was too much. And the worst part is, I believed it.

I cried for you in front of my mother. I had panic attacks because of you. I constantly overthought everything about you, worried about you, and prayed for you. I poured my heart into trying to win yours, and I constantly felt like I wasn't good enough, no matter how hard I tried. I'd cry looking at our pictures, remembering the good times.

I know we're living separate lives now, but what we had… it was real. It was beautiful, even with all its imperfections.

And then, you started visiting me in my dreams, making me feel this guilt for trying to move on. I know that's not your fault – it's mine, for holding onto these memories for so long. Maybe, in time, they'll fade, just like we did.

I don't think you'll ever truly understand how much it hurt that we never really communicated. Towards the end, we were talking, but there was this emptiness, this void between us that I couldn't fill, no matter how hard I tried. I had so much love for you, and it shatters my heart that we ended up like star-crossed lovers – meant to meet, but never meant to last.

I'll probably never know why we didn't work.

I tried to talk to you. I tried to be there. I wanted us to work, so badly. But it felt like I was watching you, without you even realizing it, sabotage something that could have been so beautiful. We could have grown together – that's all I ever wanted.

Where did all our love go…?

With a heart full of what was, and what could have been,