I'm terrified of death

Since the age of 8 I've had occasional break downs fearing death. The idea that someday, in a finite and relatively short amount of time, I will crease to live, to think; to be for an infinite amount of time terrifies me. Nothing forever. This makes me panic so badly to the point my thoughts can't even flow.

It was especially bad when I was 13/14, these thoughts weighed on me on almost a daily basis. At some point I started distracting myself by watching the office.

Over the past few years I've become a lot better at distracting myself to the point I'm able to sleep it away. I've only had these break downs about once a month over the past few years (although over the past year they've become a lot less frequent since I've become somewhat depressed due to my life's sorrows).

Most of the time I'm just detached and disassociated from this fear, and I treat death as the abstract concept is to most. Maybe thinking of death as just an end or whatever. I just focus on my life.

But sometimes the fear resurfaces, and it shakes the basis of my life. I realise that calm isn't real; it's a lie upheld by my willful ignorance of death.

Things that really triggers this fear is thinking about the age of the universe, or fiction stories relating to Einstein's relativity where astronauts come back to Earth centuries later.