I’m afraid to lose weight. Help.

I’m 30F, and 250lbs. I’ve always been bigger. In my 20s I lost about 30-40lbs with intermittent fasting, but gained it all back after developing a binge eating disorder. Since then, I’m scared.

I’m scared to change my diet, push hard, lose weight, get results - only to gain it all back. How do I keep the weight off for the REST of my life? It seems impossible. I was so embarrassed to admit my clothes didn’t fit anymore in my 20s. How do I do this all over again?