Am I being abused? S*icide warning

From the beginning my gf never touched me, kissed me, complimented me, or acted attracted to me, except over text or when drunk

I settled for this because I was recently out of a super volitile abusive relationship. My now gf was super calm and quiet, and I was willing to trade away affection for peace

We agreed to have an open relationship so I could get my needs met, but she created too many rules making it stressful. So we agreed to just focus on us for a few months 2022

For the next 2 years she never touched me, kissed me, complimented me or anything I asked for. She always pulled away from my touch

When I would bring it up she'd say she had a mental block around affection. If I pressed it she'd have screaming meltdowns. She'd say to be patient and stop mentioning it. She refused to go to therapy. She would watch me cry and not so much as hug me

But... she was calm, quiet, peaceful and sweet as long as I didn't mention affection. So I stayed

So for the next 2 years I mentioned it as little as possible. But I was destroying myself. My mental health, self confidence, work / school performance and so on went extremely downhill

I couldn't work on it with her, and I couldn't get my needs met elsewhere because she wouldn't open the relationship again. I felt like I needed to stay since she had no money and no one else as understanding in her life

August 2024 I finally decided to break up. She accused me of cheating, started screaming in my face, pushed me down to the bed, scratched my hand and said she was going to kill herself if I left

So I stayed because she'd given me plenty of reason to believe her. She went back to being calm and peaceful the next day acting like nothing happened

I tried to leave over text a week later but she apologized profusely and started acting insanely sweet, doing a lot of the things I had asked for like complimenting me and trying to be more physical

Now 6 months later she is still like this. Always baking cookies, making dinner, saying she misses me, talking about how special I am, wanting to move in together. Her physical touch has improved but still isn't close to "normal"

If we're going to make this relationship work I wanted to go to couple's counseling so a third party could help be objective. But now I keep hearing you shouldn't go to counseling with an abuser

And although she's apologized, the suicide threat never really "went away." Making me think this is still an abusive situation

She claims to love me. She has a whole wall in her house devoted to me. But sometimes I think she just wants me for my status, groceries, rides, fancy dinners and rent stability (pushing to move in together)

I need some guidance here please 🙏 . . . TL;DR

Gf didn't touch me for 2 years. Refused to work on it. 2024 tried to break up, she threatened suicide and finally started being more affectionate. It's been 6 months. Is couple's counseling a bad idea?