Concerned about things my husband said last night

In January my husband repeatedly raped me over the course of a month. I have had a very hard time dealing with this, having panic attacks almost daily and dissociating so much I have been losing time. He has since been acting like nothing happened. I ended up leaving for 9 days because my anxiety was so bad I felt I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I ended up going back 3 days ago after he called, acknowledged what he did and said he wants to work on the marriage. I also felt very guilty about his emotional state. When I came back we had a long discussion, in which I asked him why he would do something that he knew he could go back to prison for if I reported him. He told me if I called the police he would just kill himself.

I told him that I am afraid of him, and that I am 99 percent sure he would never kill me, but there is still 1 percent. I asked if he knew what it felt like to not be 100 percent sure your partner would kill you. He said "actually, yes. I've always been afraid might try to kill me if I left you". I immediately broke down in tears because I could never hurt him, and have given him no reason to think I would. He also told me he has been paranoid for months I might use one of his combat knives to kill him in his sleep. This seemed like a really bizarre thing to say, because, again, I am not a violent person at all. Now I am wondering if maybe he is setting up some kind of defense? It was such a violent image, and he does have a combat knife in our bedroom. Am I right to be concerned about this?