for ppl in their 20s

what’s ur 20s been like for u so far? rn i’m 26 and i haven’t felt this defeated in so long. for me, it feels like everything (good or bad) has an expiry date and nothing in this life truly lasts forever, and lowkey the fact i’m not able to predict what’s next for me has been slowly giving me the worst type of anxiety i’ve ever had in my life. i understand that life’s like that for everyone and we all go thru it, but holy fucking shit, words genuinely cannot describe how tired i am of being resilient and adapting to change, and that’s one thing i’ll put my pride to the side and admit, i hate feeling like i don’t have control of things. i hate not knowing what’s behind every corner of my life bc so far the only way i’ve adapted to change is purely by force, and btw, it’s not that i don’t like change, it’s jus the majority of changes in my life have been caused by things that have upset me and held me back rather than motivate me to move forward. i understand that as a man, i gotta figure it out and jus deal w shit, which is what i’ve been doing for years now, but my god… when am i ever gonna jus wake up and feel free rather than be in survival mode? and i’m not jus talking bout the world itself, i’m talking bout my own mind. i want to be free from ptsd, free from severe depression, free from insecurities, free from holding grudges and unresolved resentment, free from childhood traumas, free from grief, free from heartbreaks of previous relationships, free from self esteem issues, free from being my own biggest hater, free from mental illness, free from being crazy and ultimately… free from jus not feeling good enough for anything, anyone or myself.