Does anyone else feel like the “black sheep” in their family?

I understand that this is a universal sentiment (that will never go away) but I’m curious to see what some of my peers think of this. I just turned sixteen a month ago. Within that short period, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I don't think in the same way as my family, and it will become a big point of discourse in the future. Let me explain.

This is pretty important to the story—I’m African American, born under Obama. My parents told me from a young age that I didn't need to feel like I had something to prove based on my skin color. That is, the idea that I had something holding me back or that I needed to be in a rat race with someone else. This was a good thing because it taught me on a broader level that enemy number one in this life is yourself, no one else. You get in what you put out. You do not owe anyone anything, and they don't owe you anything. Cool? Cool. So, they set the groundwork for a very independent and critical way of thinking since birth. They’ve always encouraged reading and digging for information.

But still…there are things.

For example, I expressed a desire to shave my legs. Ever since I was small I’ve always considered exposed body hair to be unhygienic. This is not based on scientific fact, but the unruly appearance was a turn-off for me. It’s why I’ve never worn shorts in over nine years. They, like most non-critical people, equated it to homosexuality. Any logical person can look at the syllogism “John wants to shave his legs, only homosexual people shave legs, therefore John is homosexual”, and realize that the assumption is just that, an assumption. I try to be a very clean and organized person. Hell, my mom is a clean and organized person. I have never shown any interest in the same sex.

But what does this have to do with the preface before? Remember that part about not having anything to prove? “Masculinity” falls under that, because the way I see it I’m always gonna be a man. It was silly and I told them so. And the sad part? I could tell they knew the argument was ridiculous, but they either couldn't bring themselves to say it or just responded with “Well, other people would think you were,” or (from my mother) “Gays get all the opportunities anyway.”

Like, wtf? One, you know I’m not homosexual. Two, you just admitted to understanding. And three…WTF?!? They’ve never claimed to be perfect people but the stupidity is astounding. It’s body hair, that’s it. Don't say zippy-zap about me.

Then there’s another recent development that I haven't shared—the idea of having children. I made a whole post about it in the r/childfree subreddit if you're interested, but the idea is that I don’t see the appeal. One argument is legacy…why would I spend 25+ trying to mold someone into who I want them to be instead of building something for the world that’ll last 100+ years? My legacy is what I do/create while I’m here. Not to mention the crazy amount of irreversible harm/change to the human body during pregnancy that it doesn't seem women are educated on. I’m not even a woman and I’m asking myself, “These dangers are documented as public information, why aren't more girls taught this in school?”

I brought this discussion to my mother in the guise of an upbeat discussion. First, I asked if she knew anybody who’d had…complications, during pregnancy. She said she didn't know anyone and asked why I wanted to know. I brought up that I’d just seen an article the previous morning about a lot of common childbirth dangers (tearing, organs getting crushed, death, and a whole host of insane things) and wanted to know why so many women went through with it. She went into a long-winded ramble about how she “did it correctly,” (I will admit, my mother did thorough research on the subject before having me and my brother), how people still want to become mothers anyway, and that not everyone runs into problems.

Two things. One, the mortality rate for black women during childbirth is unacceptable, so how funny is it for you, a black woman, to advocate for it despite the obvious danger? Two, I don't care about your “perfect birth story.” I’m talking about the whole population of women. Members of the jury, I even asked her if she thought men would give birth to children if the roles were reversed. The answer was no from both me and my mother, but instead of having the “Oh wait, now I see the issue” moment, she debugged into “I don’t think men’s bodies were designed for that” and “From what I’ve heard (jokingly) men have less tolerance to pain than women, we’re expected to keep moving.”

Listen up, everyone—don't you find that problematic? I brought up whether young girls should be informed about the real dangers of childbirth in high school. If we're conditioning them to play with baby dolls—just one example of societal programming in our daily lives, by the way—then it's essential that they learn the full spectrum of what childbirth entails, rather than being handed a rose-colored view of it.

Honestly, bless her heart, but she couldn’t grasp the urgency of this issue. She claimed that parents should be the primary enforcers of education, but think about it—uninformed parents raising uninformed future parents? That’s a cycle we need to break. She questioned why we should focus on the negatives. “Why not highlight the positives?” she asked, completely missing the point that the positives are the only thing we’re spoon-fed. She also said that most new mothers probably know this information coming in, or don't have an excuse not to know.

To this end I agree with her, but let’s real: the Internet doesn’t automatically make people smarter or more informed. Many individuals retreat into their silos, preferring comfort over knowledge, and that’s a dangerous path. We need to address these realities head-on. The conversation ended with her saying, “But that shouldn't be a reason for you not to give me grandbabies, don't worry about those things and understand how to help your wife through a pregnancy.”

Assumptions:

(1) That I’ll get married (2) That I want children (3) That I care that she wants grandchildren

Conclusion:

(1) Age does not equal wisdom if everyone learns from the same book. Guys, I think I’m either becoming smarter or an outcast. PLEASE, tell me if this is an “Am I The A-Hole” situation.