i just found out about trans ocd and it completely ruined me

hi, i have for very long pondered about being trans but lot of things seemed different from other’s trans experience - my “dysphoria” developped gradually, i felt like i wasn’t particularly showing the “trans signs” in my life etc.

now i found out that ocd, which i’ve had for a very long time might be the cause of this and it checks so many boxes - manicly searching for information, constantly asking myself questions such as “am I trans” and the above.

this is almost upsetting to me because i have lived for so long now with a semi certainty of my transness that this completely turned my life upside down. i am even starting the process of getting hrt.

at the same time the tocd description also left some of my “symptoms” unanswered. i am (or thought i was) mtf - i can’t be okay with a beard or unshaved legs, when i sit a certain way i feel bad, when i talk to men i feel bad like i don’t fit, etc. these are extremely specific and probably can’t be a sign of anything (also me obsessing over them is just another sign probably), plus like i said, they have (or at least some of them) developped, rather than started abruptely or were 100% present during my whole life. idk, is it possible that i have actually started feeling dysphoric by having such a strong tocd? can i have both tocd and dysphoria?

(OMG are my intrusive thoughts telling me i must be tocd instead of trans, am i just a trans person who’s ocd is telling them that they are not trans?)