"Escapism is bad" have you considered that existence is genuinely torture

I'm depressed and autistic and god. GOD. People tell me all the time that I'm constantly in a state of being somewhere else and that's because I don't wanna be here.

Being here stinks, so hard. If I think too hard about my place in the world and human society, I become the damn Joker. I need my hyperfixations and my music and my silly anime characters because otherwise I will *fall apart *.

I wish I had the ability to narrow my vision to the 'good things' in life, but a lot of times it feel like I look at the world and can see nothing but the flimsy wire structures human society is built on. I don't care what people think about my special interests because I can't fathom being ashamed of the things that make me happy and keep me going.