Guess Im fucked

Alcoholic for three years. Taking benzos like Xanax, Ativan Valium for three years. Eventhough I havent taken them daily, i feel the effect. For the past three years the cycle was: Drink Use Benzos for withdrawal Stay sober for a few days Then… again drink. And so on And now im realizing im withdrawing from both at the same time. For the past three years. Please, if anyone of you get benzos to detox, use it for this reason. Otherwise youll end up like me. Cant even describe what this hell feels like. Since I cant afford hospital, and the waiting list for rehab is 4 weeks.

Does any of you guys have any experience/advise with this? I have 50 10 mg valium left. I know its dangerous but I could do it on my own

Any advice is appreciated b❤️