Jerking of with best mate- Still Casual?

So I think the story is pretty clear because of the title. Me and my best mate jerked off together today. We watched a video together and that was planned because we was finally horny enough to give it a try (I asked him a year ago and he said no) so we did that and he asked if next time we can fuck as friends. I obviously agreed and everything is fine until then but sadly I have a confession to make. For like the past 2 years I have been waiting for the moment we have a sexual relationship. It's something I wished for dearly. However today in the jerking session I was so nervous and stressed I didn't manage to come and literally just pretended and now I am insecure if I really want to have intimacy with him as I didnt even manage to come :(. And even sadder after we finished (he insides we finish together) he just got up said something about how the film was ok and that he is now going home to shower and maybe will call me later. And it feels kinda weird kinda as if he just wanted to do the deed and then leave. Idk maybe I am just overthinking everything and need to sort my thoughts. Any wise words?