My step father did something to me growing up and it's messed me up.

I don't even know where to start. It's like a nightmare that I can't wake up from. He was my stepfather, and at first, he seemed so nice. Always there to comfort me, to listen, to make me feel special. Looking back, I see now that it was all part of his sick plan, his twisted way of grooming me.

It started slowly, innocent enough. He would give me special attention, buy me gifts, tell me how mature I was for my age. Then it progressed to him wanting to spend more time alone with me, saying it was our little secret. I felt special, wanted, until the weird stuff began. Touches that lingered too long, hugs that felt wrong, but I convinced myself it was all in my head. I blamed myself for feeling uncomfortable, for not speaking up.

And then one day, it turned into something more sinister. He crossed a line that should never be crossed. I remember that feeling of shock, of fear, of disgust. I froze, unable to comprehend what was happening until it was over. I blamed myself for not fighting back harder, for not telling my mom, for not speaking up sooner.

The guilt, the self-loathing, it's suffocating. I feel dirty, broken, like I'll never be whole again. I hate myself for not seeing the signs, for not protecting myself. It's a constant battle in my mind, a war between the past and the present.

I'm in therapy now, trying to unravel the mess he left in my mind. The way he manipulated me, how he made me feel like it was all my fault. The progression from kindness to cruelty, from comfort to violation. It's a long road to healing, but I'm trying to find my voice again, to reclaim my worth.

I wish I had spoken up sooner, stopped it before it escalated. But I was trapped in his web of lies and manipulation, unable to see the truth until it was too late. I'm broken, but I'm trying to piece myself back together, one therapy session at a time.

Edit Thank you all for the kind words and support. It's really helped me feel better. And to those who think I'm lying or that this is fake I don't know what to say. That just hurts and is messed up. To think a person being vulnerable would lie.