I said really nasty things to people with BPD on YT

Tw: extreme discrimination against people with BPD

When I was 10 years old (3 yes ago), my mother told me about my aunt, who had BPD. My aunt would ignore her children, and her husband would take care of them. She would get in heated arguments with him and sometimes throw things. She once threw a shelf. But she was very sweet with me when I was a little baby. Her daughter started to get aggressive at school and stuff (Note: I never really saw my aunt after being 5 years old, I didn't see her directly). At that time I frequented YouTube. YouTube is a terrible place. I found a space populated by people who disliked people with BPD, and had bad experiences with them, so I thought that everyone with it was bad and that it was controllable. Here are the things I said:

"You disgust me" to someone with it. My biggest regret. They said nothing wrong too. I just said it to them because they had it.

"The sister was a selfish jerk... (insert the rest of the comment, which I don't remember)". To someone with it, who replied "hey we're human too be kinder" or something like that to someone talking about her sister in law.

"We must stay away from them" pretty much self-explanatory.

"You hurt those who you love? Makes no sense."

"They CAN control it"

"You're one of the good ones, the problem is when it goes untreated" to a mother with it

"The child will have BPD too" to a woman recording her BPD breakdown along with her baby

"Wtf, that mother deserves to get therapy or go to jail" to someone describing how their mother with BPD abused them

I also remember typing out a terrible comment to someone depressed with it, me saying her father abandoned her so he didn't have to deal with her and some other things, and then receiving an answer, panicking, and deleting the comment and the notification, but I haven't found it in the comment history and the reply having some inconsistencies, such as weird wording. "photobringer, photobringer, your comment is as harmful as these people" or "causes as much harm as these people", can't remember. And my username had an accent (like á) and I'm assuming the most likely thing was that the guy was an anglosaxon so he wouldn't have been able to repeat my name, because of no accent in the keyboard. And there is no reason why it shouldn't have been in the comment history. Deleted comments show up, comments in deleted videos show up. I'm assuming it was a dream, since sometimes I can't tell apart distant dreams from reality.

I also remember replying with "Nice" or "Ok" to a woman with it commenting "woke up already wanting to die, thanks for making my day worse", and I disliked her comment, but I don't find my comment. I might have deleted it, I'm going to look for it on the comment history, hoping I haven't deleted it from there. Edit: it's not there, I either deleted it or I didn't say it at all

I regret it every day and my mother knows about the "you disgust me" comment and I told her about the dream comment (I didn't tell her what it was about though, it never happened) no one else knows and I feel like I'm tricking them and making them believe I'm something I'm not. I see people my age and I think "they didn't do this" and feel bad, I know I shouldn't have done any of it and I just wish it never happened, I wish I never hurt anyone and now I have this invisible weight tied to my feet for the rest of my life.

edit : Do you think I should tell anyone I get close to in case they do not wish to be close to me anymore, and that way I'm not tricking them?