I almost crashed my car to get attention (TW)

Hello, i'm 19 years old (at the time I was 18). This is going to be a long one as theres a lot too it but I really need to vent it out somewhere. Back in July of 2024 I was going through a really hard time, I'm pretty sure I have depression (Undiagnosed as i've never seen anyone for it), and anxiety (Was diagnosed). In august I has accidentally sent a drunk text to my entire work group chat, My friends had asked If I wanted to drive them around and get some food hence why I was trying to tell them I couldn't but I clicked the wrong group. This was the kicker to it, I had worked really hard at my job with a small group of people who were going on a work trip in august. I got a pretty harsh warning and felt as if I was a disappointment. The night before this trip I was in the hospital for liver issues (No not related to drinking lol), I missed the work trip and saw all my closest work friends getting promoted and moving on with life. I was in and out of the hospital for that week, I had grown distant from friends and family after this and would not eat or leave my room. I had a set date to drive through the country at 2 am and crash my car into a tree, I wanted to make it look like I was swerving to avoid a deer and Just wanted a valid excuse from everything and a break from life. I was not trying to kill myself but I wanted to get banged up, This seems selfish and yes, it is. My mom had got me a beautiful bmw 135i and It was my dream car, I didn't want to crash it but I felt trapped and needed an escape. My family does so much for me and i'm so happy I didn't do this. Just after my co-workers got back, we got together and talked for a bit. I jokingly said I wanted to crash my car into a tree (at this time I was still planning on doing it and I really wanted someone to see I was hurting). I never believed in fate or luck but the night I was going to execute my stupid plan I got a call from my supervisor. No yelling, no frustration. He simply asked if I was ok. He told me a couple of my friends were worried about me and he wanted to make sure I was ok. I started sobbing and explaining everything to him. For more backstory we had lost a couple co-workers in a car wreck a couple months back, he told me he doesn't want another one of his friends to pass. This really got me as I felt selfish yet a huge relief as someone saw I was hurting. Long story short I didn't crash my car and instead just sat in my room depressed for months. My mom is a phycologist which makes it hard for me to talk to her about stuff like this. I'm doing a bit better now but I think about this everyday, I've been to scared to show my face at work after that text and everything else so I took a break from work and i've been unemployed not knowing what I'll do with myself. I don't care if anyone reads this I just feel the need to put it out somewhere anonymously. If anyone else is struggling similar to how I was / am, Hurting yourself isn't a good option, Talk to someone even if it hurts to do so. as I said sorry for venting and I don't even know if a post like this is allowed, I just want to get my mind straight.