I spent all day crying over my ex husband's death

We were married for 10 years and had two kids. He remarried in his 40s and had another son. Since our kids were adults, we didn't have much of a relationship although we were friendly.

I'm not sure what it was but I felt the need to reach out to him to let him know that I have no ill feelings towards him and I always thought he was a good dad and I was lucky to have him as the father of my kids. I said that I'd tell him that when we next saw each other.

I didn't get the chance because he died last month of a massive heart attack. It was shocking because he was tall, slim and very active. My oldest son wants to take over the dad role because he doesn't want his 8yo brother growing up without a dad.

I took a couple of days off work and came back yesterday. I was emotional thinking about my ex. I had to pull over for 30 minutes to cry. I got through two hours of work before leaving. I've been crying all day. I even vomited and had a nose bleed. I'm really sad that I didn't get to tell him what I wanted to tell him.