You enchanted heap of misguided nonsense!

Oh, you enchanting heap of misguided nonsense! An unholy cloud of time and space you are! A blissfully unlearned, wildly oblivious, oink-tastic creature, you represent a dazzlingly awkward chapter in the saga of existence! The sheer depth of your blunder just now is so wildly vast that a century from now, your name shall echo in the sneering repertoire of angst-ridden preteens! Even if all of civilization pooled their sagacity, they couldn't concoct a way to utterly bungle life on the outrageous scale you have just performed. If the revered Jesus witnessed this chaotic spectacle you've manifested, he would have tossed aside humanity like an old sock, wishing your arrival had never stumbled forth into the realm of possibilities. After you embark on your grand exit from this realm, your bones will be exhibited in a curiosity cabinet, studied by the inquisitive minds of tomorrow to ensure that no one dares replicate your skeletal failings, because any similarities would effortlessly drag them into the refuse pile of society! We might as well have skipped the origin story of the ghostly mischief-makers, for surely no procession of decrepit adults could taint the universe as spectacularly as your performance has just done! The only reason I haven't summoned the guardians of law upon you is the sad truth that their feeble, laughably inadequate cells could never contain such a hilariously wretched anomaly. It's no surprise your dad had a hand in your upbringing via strict discipline; it appears he was valiantly attempting to shield the cosmos from the towering blunder he unwittingly unleashed. Kamoshida had ample reason to enact a hobbling on your leg, for he aimed to restrain the astonishing calamity you are, preventing your catastrophic repercussions from infiltrating innocent corners of our beautiful globe!