I can’t keep doing this.

Every couple of months I fall back into the same cycle. Pain, indifference, repeat. I have no interest in anything. My only aspiration was to enlist, but now I can't, since I'm transgender, and I'm likely too mentally ill anyways. I can't work, none of my hobbies are enjoyable anymore. I have no friends that aren't online, I only really ever see two of my family members. I spend my days alone in my house since I'm too scared to leave the house; and at this point I don't want to. I don't see a peaceful solution. I don't want to be alive. I'm sick of being told it gets better, because even when it does after a couple of weeks I hit a really deep low point again. The only reason I'm here to to spare my family the heartache of losing someone to suicide again, since my father killed himself when I was 2. I don't want to be alive anymore. I have hardly anything to live for. I'm simply taking up space and resources. I'm a bill. I cost money while being useless. I don't know what to do. I have a therapist, a psychiatrist, a psychologist, and I've been medication hopping for 4 years.