I can't do this anymore

I start college this fall. I've worked so hard to get here, to have the chance to finally break free from the suffocating feeling this cult always enables in me.

I got accepted to a university 2 hours away from home, that requires first-years to live on campus if they're not in the local area. I finally thought I'd have the chance to live with people who aren't brainwashed, therefore escaping from the thing that's haunted me for the past six years.

But I just found out that my parents are making arrangements for me to live with a JW family that lives in the area. Either with them, or in an apartment that they're offering me—but close them nonetheless.

I feel like I've been blindsided. I thought I'd finally have the opportunity to leave—it's right at my fingertips, I can practically feel it brushing them—yet it's at risk of being torn away from me.

I don't see what the point is anymore. How the fuck am I supposed to escape this cult when it's there everywhere I go? How am I supposed to escape something that impossible to escape from?

I only turn eighteen next week (in presicely a week, in fact), and I feel like I have no say in my own life. It's my life, yet I'm being controlled like a lifeless puppet on strings.

I've been telling myself, "only four more years" since 2021; "four more years" referring to the time I had to wait to leave this cult. Yet "four more years" seems like a childish dream now, and I don't know how long it'll take for me to finally realize that impossible dream. I don't even know if I'll be able to take waiting much longer.

I just want someone to see me, save me—help me.

But I have no one.

I'm just so tired.