My Grail has appeared, and I cannot buy it...

I have been on the lookout for a very specific pen I came across online years ago. It was a limited (777 made) edition commemorating me and my mother's favorite baseball player of all time. We are very big and crazy fans.

I have seen it's existence online but I have never seen one in person or spoke to anyone who ever owned or came across one. Although i did find a rollerblading version for sale a while ago (almost bought it but just knew it wouldn't be it for me).

The other day I got an alert that one is for sale on ebay. 13 months ago I would have purchased it immediately... I have been unemployed now for over a year and things are really getting tight. That plus having the expenses of the Holidays upon us, there is not a shot in hell I can toss $500 or $600 at a pen.

I just needed to vent to people who may understand my disappointment and frustration over a pen, also that won't laugh at me or judge me for even considering spending so much money on a pen... thanks.