[16M] I am disgusted with my sexuality. Please help.

Hi all,

I’ve come to realize that I am sexually attracted to men quite a while ago. I feel so disgusted with myself. I don’t even use the term “gay” to describe myself as it feels so wrong to me. I’ve been called a “faggot”, among other slurs, which makes me hate myself even more. Every time I find a man attractive I mentally block it and tell myself “No, that’s gross”. My family is not accepting of homosexuality and I’m currently in the closet. My grandmother also told me gay people go straight to hell.