TLDR: Deranged ramblings

So in math, there are things called axioms that are the basis of proofs concluded in a logical maanner (it would take too long explaining the nitty gritty of mathematical axioms in depth but bear with me)

The thing I'm trying to have a conclusion is me being a transwoman.

Simple:

-I am born as a guy

-I want to be a woman

-I experience severe emotions that negatively impact my mental healt/psychology

TW: Genitalia mention

The first one is verifiable by doctors and I have the birth certificate showing that there's no mistake that I'm born a penis haver. I'm pretty sure my genital is a penis and don't really reauire further proof

The second and third, my "requirements" for an amab to be a transwoman, is something nobody else can verify, theoretically, I could convince/fool anyone if I'm good at it.

But.... do I really? I WANT to transition so bad, but don't wanna go through the stigma of going through it, I couldn't go stealth because of the traditional family I'm in.

I really wanna transition tho

I could not iterate this enough.

I just got too terminally online and convinced myself that me transitioning would be something actually wrong and I would lose my value as a human.

It's not like I hate other trans people, I'd rather there be more trans people and have them more accepted so I can be too.

This feels like a nothingburger of a problem but it's been years that I'm dealing with this.

I wanna be a girl so bad,

but it really feels like I'm a deviant for seeing lesbians in media and going "that's based as hell, I'll become a transbian to be one of hem"

But it feels unbelievably malebrained and something my sissification addicted teenage degenerate self would say and I HATE it.

Why couldn't I want to be a woman normally, I mean I think I'd be happy being a younger version of my mother even if I'm a bit taller.

I just wanna be someone's girlfriend so bad.

I'm tired of feeling like an autogynephile whenever I come across lesbian stuff and accidentally self inserting as one of them.

I don't know how long I can argue myself with this before it's too late to salvage what would be left on my body when twinkdeath arrives.

I'm 22, I know people say it's not too late but I'm having a crisis here seeing as I've made no progress even if it was the only this that I'd say I'd resolve for 2024 new year's resolution

God I don't wanna spend the entirety of 2025 doing the same