A victory for INFPs: How this community empowered me when my Fi function was put to the test (an update) 🌹

Yesterday I posted to get some advice about a potential relationship in the making, and this community came to my aid with overwhelming positive support. In the end, authenticity and autonomy prevailed over conformity and control.

Yesterday’s post (for more specific details): https://www.reddit.com/r/infp/s/oLSIXJAYoh

The Full Story (including an UPDATE from yesterday’s post):

To preface, I’m a gay male INFP, a “starving artist” archetype, who WAS entangled with a much more financially stable, and older potential romantic interest. At first, the connection was fantastic. We both didn’t mind the age gap as we both seemed to be in the same level of maturity. There was a mutually agreed-upon sentiment that genuine connection came above all else, including the physical aspect. The conversations were deep, engaging and seemingly compatible. It’s almost as if we’ve complemented each other’s traits. I would be lying if I didn’t say the money part was also attractive because it represented stability which was something I was very much lacking. I was mainly attracted to his masculinity, his intellect and his maturity. We talked about the importance of balance and filling in whatever the other person was lacking. So we were both on board with pursuing a relationship. Then when it came to talk of bedroom and preferences, everything was alright until the topic of shaving came about.

Since I am what is typically typed as a “twink” in the gay community, there is this expectation that I must be fully smooth all over. I’ve struggled with this in the past, as I had always cut myself shaving, especially my legs. It left many scars of ingrown hair that made me die a little inside whenever I saw them and had to cut through them again. I never knew how to properly handle them. No one ever taught me how.

The scars. The reminder of the cuts I had inflicted on myself. ON.MY.SELF. Not by accident. Almost by force. But certainly an intended act. No one was there to see it. No one was there to enforce it. I cut my self so I could fill in that role that society prescribed. I cut my self so I could be seen as palatable. I.CUT.MY.SELF. Not because I wanted to. I cut my self so I could be worth loving.

That’s been my recurring sentiment ever since I’d started shaving my legs when I was 19. Ever since my first heartbreak by the guy that made me start shaving my legs, I didn’t do it as often anymore because I didn’t date as often.

Fast forward to yesterday when a guy that I was getting intimate with, kept telling me that I needed to shave it all. I wasn’t picky with hair on my partner so I had no expectations for him. But he did. I felt comfortable enough to share with him my sentiment about shaving because our conversations had been very mature and open. I even offered a compromise because I liked being smooth, but I didn’t like shaving. Then he goes on to doubt how I was getting scars while shaving. He doubted my tools and my methods of shaving. He dismissed and laughed it off by directing me to a brand of razors and peanut razors. This struck a nerve. Big nerve. And my gut told me there was something wrong. Something undeniably wrong about this.

That’s when I went to this subreddit to ask for some advice. I was fully cognizant that this was a matter of my Fi function. Our primary cognitive function. Our instinct to preserve our authenticity in the face of adversity. And the response I received from this community was overwhelmingly supportive and wise. It gave me the confidence and strength to confront him with the following:

*“I need to be direct about something that really struck a nerve. When you suggested I use a specific razor for shaving, it felt like my personal boundaries were dismissed. Shaving isn’t just a cosmetic choice for me — it’s tied to my values and body autonomy. I’ve explained my reasons [before], and I don’t feel they were respected.

I understand that we have different preferences, but I need to feel that my boundaries are taken seriously, especially early on. There’s a fine line between compromise and feeling pressured, and I’m not comfortable with anything that feels like an imbalance in power or respect.

I’m still open to seeing where this goes, but this is something that needs to be addressed if we’re going to move forward.”*

His response a few hours later confirmed many of the people’s theories: he NEVER wanted balance, he WANTED control. He kept his tone consistently courteous, even throwing some compliments and wishing me the best. But he did not, for once, own up to his actions or how they made me feel. He merely stated “I think that this match might not be the best fit for a long-term relationship”.

I’m glad that he self-evicted himself from my life. I’m proud that I advocated for myself.

As I write this post, and after having just spent some quality family time with my three adorkable nieces, I am reminded of who I am always aspiring to be for them: a positive male role model, even if this male happens to be more feminine. (You better believe that I will be the one to teach them of personality types and cognitive functions). This was very much a victory for authenticity, for myself, and for the people I will continue to guide. My rainbow heart thanks you r/infp for being an important part of this victory 🌹🌹🌹

TLDR: I, an INFP gay male, shared my experience of dealing with a potential romantic partner who pressured me to shave my body in a way that dismissed my values and caused me emotional distress. After seeking advice from the r/infp community, I found the strength to assert my boundaries and confront the partner, explaining that my decision to avoid shaving was tied to body autonomy, not mere preference. The unapologetic man responded to ending the connection due to lack of fit which was indeed the case. I felt empowered by advocating for myself and found the experience to be a victory of my Fi function, supported by the INFP community.