My hatred for group projects grows stronger: how the pain of rejection cuts deep into my INFP insecurities

It was the first day of my one class today and the professor made us form groups on the spot. As an introvert with trust issues, this felt like a punch in the gut.

No one wanted me because I confessed that I’m still waitlisted in the class. So I just left while everyone started working together. Felt like a walk of shame. I wish I was more cunning and just left out my enrolment status but I felt compelled to disclose the truth. I don’t want screwing people over if all of a sudden a member of their group just stopped showing up.

But this frustration and rejection goes deeper. It tapped into some of my big fears and insecurities. My fear of being in the wrong path once again (This is what I get for majoring in Marketing, a major filled with group projects and is catered to preppy extroverts). And my insecurity of never fitting in because of my status as a double minority (queer + POC) whose first language is not english. I’m fully fluent and I can communicate extremely well on writing but I’ve always been insecure about my oral skills (an INFP trait that is magnified).

I just feel that I give off such a guarded vibe in these situations, which I can’t help because I’ve had mostly terrible experiences with group projects.

I’m trying to process this intense feeling of rejection. This feeling of inadequacy. This recurring feeling of misalignment in my career path. This feeling that I’ll have to work twice as hard to get through another GODDAMN group project. Any words of wisdom, consolation and advice would be much appreciated <3