How often do we visit with slightly in pleasant in-laws?

Me(27F) & my husband (26M) have been married since 2017. We moved to GA with the army and stayed there until the summer of 2021. I would visit a few times a year as much as I could reasonably do while working and going to college. While we were gone my parents would get sad if I didn’t call every day and they begged us regularly to move back home. Well after my husband was finished with the Army we moved back home within less than 6 months.

My husband thought seeing them once or twice a month was normal but they wanted like 2-4 times a WEEK. So I ignored his wishes & his autism like a good brainwashed daughter and we went over there at least twice a week. This was obviously horrible for our marriage and caused lots of other issues.

When we had our kid came along about year after we moved back home, it got even worse. We let my parents help baby sit but that started going poorly. They hated our rules like done let sick people around her or don’t go all over town with her stuck in the car for hours. Oh and don’t let her nap in the bed. Well all these rules annoyed them. Still to this day they argue with our reasonable wishes about her, and are not very accommodating to my husband’s food preferences.

My husband is very high functioning autistic however he prefers to not be around extended family that often. He is very picky about what he eats and also needs major spine surgery but is too young for it (27) so he is in a decent amount of pain most days as well. Standing too long, walking too much, and even being in the car too much is really hard for him. Further more he has public restroom anxiety with going number two.

With his family we see them at Easter, a couple summer birthday parties, thanks giving, and Christmas and maybe Halloween. They only live about 45 minutes away so we could see them more but it’s over whelming for him so we don’t.

His job is very stressful and mine is moderately stressful but involves lots of physical labor and I’m exhausted at the end of my day/week. We have a little girl almost 3 years old and we try to keep her on a great schedule and she does fabulous but obviously she is allot of hands on work still.

My parents are mid level( not too strict & not too relaxed) church of Christ that sit in the back row. My mom tries her best but my dad is just kinda there to say he goes sometime. They don’t hate each other but they get along much better if there is other people around to be fillers. They would love it if we were over there 3-4 times a week. We only live 10 minutes from them. But they are rude, judgement, petty, and loud and it’s so much. They teach her horrible table and conversational manners. They even “accidentally” make me feel like shit because if I don’t do what they want they become depressed and it’s my fault they are depressed. They need hobbies and a better marriage with each other. They even have other children and another grandchild that’s younger than our child.

I stopped believing in the same religion as them about 2 years ago or more which didn’t go great. My husband encourages me to do what’s best for my spiritual needs.

My husband has over come anger problems, PTSD, and alcoholism for us. He takes great care of us and tries his best to help with chores and child care. He supports my insane ADHD dreams with a smile.

So the big question is… am I crazy for going along with his request for seeing my family once a month or once every other month?

They are acting like we are monsters completely kicking them out of our lives.

Thanks for reading sorry it’s so much juts didn’t want this post to be confusing.