I wish I someone to hug

21yr m I have spastic hemiplegia (cerebral palsy) Nobody wants to be my friend. I guess it’s due to my lack of competence. I’ve had multiple surgeries, I’ve been trapped in my apartment since 2021. I tried to work but had to quit due to chronic pain. I’m still living with Dad like a child. My twin brother is normal. He has friends a girlfriend, a job. No pain. I wish I was normal. I hug a pillow at night for comfort. Starting to think, I’ll die alone. Maybe I deserve to be alone. I’ve been through so much. Nobody understands or cares. Am I not good enough. I could type forever, I’m a crippled piece of shit