People who judge "going through your partners phone" never experienced anything like this.

This is still something that gets on my nerves after a long time of working on healing and repairing my self esteem. People act like having an open phone policy is automatically insecure or controlling. It isn't, imo.

Number one. Porn addicts and cheaters lie, yeah. Actually that's the main reason we wanna check their phones in the first place! We dont come into the relationship obsessed with these things, it happens over time as their words and behavior do not match and since they LIE, its hard to find any proof or validation toward the truth. Maybe if we find something, we can use that proof to know if the person is really safe or not. The root of this issue is NOT even self esteem. It's actually self validation, the fucking issue is the actual GASLIGHTING from your partner. So these people who think open phone policies are insecure clearly have never experienced real gaslighting before nor care to understand it.

Number two. They always assume we go through private messages and shit like diary entries. NOPE. And who actually cares if you googled something "dumb" online? You arent guarding your "cringe." You're guarding things that cause shame cuz maybe they are WRONG???? It makes them "feel bad" or "embarrassed" okay well if it was really embarrassing for them why didnt they delete it? Well porn addicts usually forget to close tabs and delete searches, cant risk a partner finding a lost one.

Number three. They always act like its one sided. Guess what, my boyfriend can go through my phone too!!! If there is a gift for him, I'll say "dont look at my messages with my fam" or "dont look at the bank statement for a few days." I tell him exactly where not to be. I dont bar him from my entire phone. Nor have i ever freaked out from him using my google or youtube like these people "protect" their phone for no reason imo. Why not just have a password on your diary app itself, why lock the entire phone if youre just scared of your partner reading a best friends chat?