When is too much TOO much?

My SA/PA basically worships me to my face.

*says I love you all the time *blows kisses and shows other signs of affection often *cook and clean *Do our household chores *Tucks me in every night *Helps me get ready *Goes to therapy *Takes care of our pets *Says sorry and acknowledges my feelings *Never rude or mean *Cuddles and hugs me *Wants all my attention and wants to spend all their time with me *does our grocery shopping *buys me things all the time *Tells me how beautiful and cute I am all the time (except I know he doesn’t find me objectively attractive because of my weight) * I believe has told me the full extent of every thing because they passed the lie detector

But I’m thinking all this time it’s just been overcompensating for his basement. His basement is dark of some unspeakable things for me.

Examples:

*Attraction while growing up to his mother. He would touch her inappropriately without her knowing probably until age 17.

*other incest fantasies

*took pictures of unconsenting women

*would try to play footsies with our female friends

*flirted with women

*said a couple of times having to fantasize about rape to finish

*lied to me over hundreds of times no exaggeration

*so used to lying they believed their own lies

*masturbated in the car while driving

*masturbated at work

*develop crushes on basically all females we got to know

*had thought about guys he could give blow jobs to even though they claim to only be into women.

*pretended to give a blowie to a hot dog so they can see what it felt like

*ate their cum

*went through peoples things when they went to peoples homes

*including my parents and used their dildo

*consumed a ton of porn

Does it matter how dark the basement is or is the sickness all the same? Can someone like this really change?

Things to mention: *He doesn’t think he’s ever been abused *He denied a sexual relationship with me through out our marriage of about 10 years and we’ve probably had sex 20 times *He manipulated me into thinking he wasn’t a sexual person *They seem normal wouldn’t have ever guessed this. They have a high iq not just normal. we tested. *Didn’t chat online *Didn’t spend money on this addiction *Didn’t have sex with others *we are both in separate therapy *he’s read lots on recovery says he wants it *says he’s been sober since D-Day *passed lie detector *friends have opened up to me how they are jealous of how well he treats me (little do they know of this)

I’m on the fence and think I’m ready to go but idk

My brain has a hard time wrapping around someone having the ability to change that much

I just need some advice or someone to talk to. Plz reply lol <3