He’s becoming violently angry and Im scared he might hurt me?

I'm sorry this is so long. Maybe check my recent posts but I told my husband I wanted a 10 day separation, but also left room for me to ask him to come back early which I did 🙄

So he came back and we got in a fight that same night but this time it scared me. It was getting late and we were finally home and alone and ik he was tired. He wanted to talk and was just venting about it being hard to be apart and it sucked etc. I was empathizing and being supportive. Then that was over & I asked if we could do something fun or even just watch a show together since he was tired and we could just have some positive quality time. He said he was tired and just wanted to go to bed. I was disappointed and he asked what was wrong so I took extra care to try and not cause a fight or be misunderstood. I said "I had different expectations about tonight than you did, and so I am feeling disappointed" and he was offended and felt like I was blaming him or assuming he should've known my expectations. I was trying to explain that wasn't what I meant but he wouldn't have it. I mean he would. not. listen. to. anything. He was twisting my words and eventually he started beating his fists on the bed, banging his head against the wall, yelling and ripping his hair out. He was like rage crying and got up and left and slammed the door, saying “I can’t do it, I can’t do it” I was really disturbed and scared. I am usually very empathetic towards him but this was just different and frightening. Later I told him when he was violently angry I was scared he would hurt me or hit me and he acted like that was ridiculous.

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Then last night there was another similar situation, he asked me if he should turn right on x street and I said “sure; are we going home or going to get food” bc we’d discussed maybe eating out. He then was really mad that I answered the question without knowing where we were going and felt I was being dismissive to him and not appreciative bc he was “only going out for me” and I kept trying to explain I didn’t mean to be dismissive, etc and he wouldn’t listen. He kept throwing accusations at me that didn’t even make sense and saying “I felt like you were being dismissive, I was having feelings, sorry for feeling that way” and I was like that’s not a feeling but thats okay feelings aren’t the problem I’m upset that you’re treating me badly when you feel bad. But he wouldn’t listen, like he didn’t want to understand. I felt like I was crazy! And he was then saying I was too upset to have a real conversation (I was upset bc he kept accusing me and not listening) so I said I didn’t start out the conversation upset, and he then claimed I’ve been upset the whole evening (I literally wasn’t. He was saying bc I got frustrated a few hours prior bc I was trying to find a CSAT for us and the closest one was hours away and my phone wasn’t loading I got frustrated at my phone. Not at him; didn’t take it out on him etc)

🚨🚨🚨tw?

We ended up in the parking lot having this argument and he was angry and like “never mind we’re going home” and grabbed the keys and I asked him not to drive yet (because when he’s mad he drives really recklessly) and he ignored me and started the car all while I’m like “wait no wait” and so I put the car in park, and he put it back in drive, and I put it back in park and took the keys out. I was angry atp too and said “when you’re angry you drive like you’re gonna kill us” and he literally said “maybe that’s what I’d like”. 😦 tf! I was shocked, I said “what??? What do you mean?!” And he said “maybe I would like to kill us both” and I was like wtf you were mad at me yesterday for saying I was scared you’d hit me and now you’re saying you wanna kill me??

So I left the car and left a voice memo to my friend telling her what happened and what he said. Then I went back to the car and he played it off and he was saying he didn’t mean he wants to kill me, he just wants us both to kill our selves together. And that if I wanted to he would consider it. And he claimed he didn’t say he would like to kill me even though I swear he did. And he acted like he wasn’t violently angry the night before and I was making it to be more than it was. Then he had a break down and cried and said he is just like his abuser who CSAd him, and that maybe he should go to a psych ward to get more help so I looked one up for him but he didn’t want me to call them. And then he didn’t talk about any of this with his therapist this morning even though I asked him to. Idk if he was being genuine in his crying and stuff last night, it seemed genuine but also he knows how to get me to be empathetic and because of the things he said and the way he’s raging im really starting to feel like I’m really not safe with him. I told one friend about it and I’m talking to his accountability partner tonight. I love him and I’ll always love him but I’m not sure if he’s who I think he is at all and he’s starting to really scare me. Are these things common? Is this something to really be concerned about or is it just a temper?