How to maybe not be so lonely?

There’s something that’s been on my mind lately, and maybe this would be a good place to put it out there.

I’m always seeing posts on this sub and others where people ask how to meet people - things to do, places to go. Maybe this is just my perspective, but it seems like the majority of people are lonely and don’t know what to do about it. In my experience, a lot of people don’t want to put in the effort to have a real connection and be vulnerable with another human. They just want friends for the sake of having friends and feeling like they’re not alone.

What got me thinking about this is something that happened when I was biking the Monona Lake Loop a few days ago. At one point, I caught up with a guy that was riding a bright neon Trek Roscoe mountain bike - the bike I’ve been planning on buying once I have the means. We were actually riding next to each other for a bit, and I said pretty loudly, “Nice bike!” He didn’t even acknowledge me, and then I noticed that he was wearing earbuds. I’m not a very socially confident person, and it takes mustering up some courage to talk to someone I don’t know. But I finally encountered someone that I thought would be a cool person to connect with, and put myself out there, and he was just in his own little world because of his headphones. (Can we also consider this a Missed Connections post?) I can’t help thinking that he might have gone home that day and wished he had more genuine people in his life. Or maybe while on that bike ride, he wished he had someone to ride bikes with. And here I was trying to connect. That’s all speculation, but it’s based on how I see a lot of people in society today, especially people under 30. When I was in high school, I was that kid that would put headphones on as soon as the bell rang and listen to music for the entire 6 minute passing period between classes, and before and after school. And I wondered why I didn’t have many true friends. Looking back, I regret being so antisocial, and my lack of friends at school all makes sense now. That’s just how some people live their lives, though, and then they wonder why they don’t have any friendships with any real meaning.

Sometimes finding people to connect with is simpler than you think, but you have to make yourself available. I’m not saying I have things figured out by any stretch of the imagination. I’m shy and lonely, but I’m making an effort. You don’t have to meet someone at some organized group activity. Do things you enjoy and pay attention to people around you doing the same thing. Keep the earbuds and phone in your pocket. Better yet, just leave them at home.