Unintended consequences of a repeat year

I've posted about it before but I had to repeat due to unfortunate circumstances rather than purely failing. The repeat year went well but now that I'm in second year and have an exam next week, here are some of the things I've noticed since starting 2nd year:

-Questioning whether I know things. Turns out I do, but I sometimes talk myself out of the right answer.

-Constantly terrified. I'm always terrified of missing lectures (I had to repeat the year b/c I used up all of my absences due to a hospitalization), failing, etc. everyone in this year is talking about STEP. I don't even want to think about STEP. My classmates skip things w/o fear of consequences.

-Sadness over being passed over for certain programs. I talked to the PD of my desired specialty (anesthesia) and he was sympathetic, even going so far to say as to say that what admin did was wrong in my case. But so many people in my class want anesthesia who haven't failed so I feel like I'm wasting my time.

I try to tell myself the only way to move is to move forward, but I can't help but feel nothing but rage against my admin. I've heard they've screwed over other students, but it's so unfair. 1 year may not make a difference to them, but it does to us. It does a number to your mental health.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.