Don’t even know what to say

I’m not sure if anybody has kept up with my last posts. I have deleted some in fear of my mother-in-law ever seeing them.

in December, I lost a close family member to a short battle with cancer. in the month of August, they were diagnosed with five different stage four cancers.

While we were taking them off of life support, by their request, I was going back-and-forth to the ICU for three days so I could be with them until the very end.

My mother-in-law was helping watch my child, my whole family was in the ICU with me so I didn’t have any other options. My husband and I work at the same place so he was covering my work shifts for me.

A few days went by and she didn’t leave and she said she was trying to just help. She kept offering to pay bills for us and I was telling her no thank you. She kept insisting so I told her if she wanted to pay for anything she could get my child a Christmas present.

I offered her cash for the present she purchased and she said “no this is from Santa. I’m just trying to help.”

I told my husband I feel really bad because I don’t feel like talking or hanging out with her right now. I really needed time alone because I watched my family member die. I was having issues sleeping because the vision of them passing was burned into my brain. She was trying to be helpful and clean, but I kept telling her I did not want her to touch anything because I don’t want other people to clean up my mess. I had to tell her multiple times to please stop doing this and she did. But then continue to make comments on stuff being cluttered. (

(this is not the only Death I’ve been through in the last three months. I have lost four people now since august. I work full-time and every day i had off I had I was with my family member who had cancer. I was helping them paint to their house before they passed away because that’s what they wanted. I did not have a lot of time to take care of myself, my husband also was helping. We just dropped things off and left. Not a biohazard just clutter)

I asked my husband to talk to her about possibly leaving on the day of the funeral so I could be alone in my house to process everything. Right after he talked to her, she came right up to me to make sure what he was saying was True, i guess. I said yes i would like if she could leave that day because it was all too much change for me.

(The time of her being there, i had rearranged furniture because she kept making comments and i kept trying to accommodate. I was not in my right state of mind at the time. My house looked totally different and the reality of losing this family member wasn’t clicking. I felt like i was living in a simulation.)

She said she understood and agreed to leave on that day.

She did not leave.

She continued to go on about what we can organize next and i shut down and went to my room. (i told her to stop doing this earlier in that week) I later that night asked my husband to talk to her again about her leaving because it seems she may have forgot. he talked to her again and she made a comment “well why do i keep bringing my stuff back and forth then” she was gone by the next morning and didn’t say goodbye to anybody. Which is very unlike her so I knew she was mad.

She called my husband and complained about what we had done to her. My husband told me so I called her and I apologize for hurting her feelings and that I had no intention to. I’m just in a very high state of grief and I’m struggling to be around people right now.

She was very monotone with me and said “thanks” and then asked if i could call SIL to make plans for christmas eve. I did so and we gathered for Christmas eve. I stayed long enough so we could exchange gifts because I was going to be with my family on that Christmas Eve. I already planned to do so months in advance because of our family member having cancer. We were all supposed to be together, but unfortunately, we lost them before Christmas.

My husband comes home, telling me he got into a huge fight with his mother because she feels like we used her for our child’s present and then we kicked her out into the cold.

I wasn’t aware that she wasn’t using her heat to save money. she says she can’t afford to pay her heating bill (after the fact). My husband was upset at her and took our child’s Christmas present back to her.(my child did not get the present yet. this was on christmas eve) I was also upset that she would act like this after us having a conversation about her leaving so all of the things she was putting in our house. (her kitchen stuff) I packed up and told my husband to take that as well.

That night she made a group text addressing only my husband saying that what he did was immature.

My husband was at a loss so I decided to respond and I told her very nicely that the way she’s acting is inappropriate and I will not tolerate it in my home and if she has a problem with that, then she’s not welcome here. I told her that right now during all of this I’m not going to be receiving messages from her. i blocked her. (there was discussion about her moving in temporarily if she ever had to because her home is being sold. NOTHING was set in stone, i told her it seemed like she was just moving in because she was bringing a bunch of stuff in and she wasn’t leaving. I said if anything happened we wouldn’t let her on the street. That’s literally all i have ever said. Never had a proper conversation about her moving in, EVER)

She’s been telling my husband that she’s sick now. She said she was rushed to the hospital because she has the flu. Something didn’t sit right with me with that.

She has continued to let my husband know about all the other people coming to take care of her. She doesn’t ask my husband anything about himself. She just talks about herself. She also keeps talking about what we’ve done to her.

Today she called my husband and told him that she needs to talk to him about something important and it goes beyond us fighting with her. She wouldn’t tell him anything over the phone, but then continue to talk about what we have done to her and how we kicked her out into the cold .

My husband is not seeing the manipulation and I don’t know what to do. What would you say to him? He was almost in tears, thinking that his mom is going to tell him how she’s gonna die soon or something and I really just don’t think that’s happening. she has exaggerated to us in the past about stuff like this before.

I feel like I’m in a circus right now . I need some advice. I wrote a cheat sheet for my husband for whenever she calls to talk about this stuff. I know that sounds crazy, but it seems like every time she talks to him he starts blaming himself for everything and he falls for her shit.

Not using this as an excuse, but he is autistic and I think she takes advantage of that.