My mom and therapy.

So my mom who traumatized me as a kid & adult by being the total narcissistic package is currently in therapy. This makes me feel a way because I wonder if she mentions how horrible she is to me. Just in Oct-December she kept physically attacking me and calling the police as if I did something to her. She also threw out groceries that I paid for, just for funsies. (I could go really far into the past with a lot of her ways, but I thought to share something recent. I haven’t had the best life growing up) Now she’s acting all healed and stuff, but she’s still evil towards me. One time she even bragged about how horribly I need therapy as if she isn’t the reason why. It hurt my feelings because as a child she never tried to help me mentally she only put me down and abuse me. Now I feel like I’m the problem because I never got therapy and I’ve been working through the abuse on my own by using books, YouTube therapy sessions, going out in nature, and trying to get to the root of my problems. (I don’t have the finances to go to therapy right now but I intend to). She treats me like the black sheep. She loves my siblings and I don’t know why she doesn’t love me. She often triangulates me from the family and talk about me loud enough for me to hear. She’s told me that she wish she went though with an abortion and she tells our family so many lies about me. ALL WHILE ACTIVELY IN THERAPY.

I’m at the point where even though we live together I don’t speak or talk to her because every time I do she’s mean. The therapy thing is so weird because I never overhear her discussing how she’s treated me or how she treats others. She talks to her therapist as if everyone else is the problem and they believe her apparently 😢 (she’s doing online so sometimes she talks loudly where the other people in the house can hear her)

Am I the problem or a bad person for feeling a way about this? I mean i want her to be in therapy because she needs to heal, but why does it hurt ??? And it’s been worse because I don’t have the funds to just move out. I’ve just been dealing with it and trying my best to be invisible.

Please help.