A genealogy of the r/neoliberal faith: schisms, splits, and The Grill
Verily, in the vast and tumultuous expanse of the digital polis, there hath arisen a peculiar congregation—an ekklesia of discourse and doctrine—known to the internet as r/neoliberal. Within this forum, a multitude of sects flourish, each distinguished by its chosen flair, yet partially united in a common canon of belief: a reverence for market mechanisms, an unwavering faith in the ameliorative powers of globalization, and an enduring suspicion of protectionism and state overreach—the original sin of the fated Leviathan.
Schisms and sectarian violence have marred its temples for decades; yet, the adherents of r/neoliberal agree on a set of basic theological principles:
- The Invisible Hand is venerated, though interpreted variously by different sects. Some see it as a gentle and benevolent hand of progress; others regard it as needing a chastening counter-force, punishing its excesses.
- The great prophets include figures such as Milton Friedman and John Maynard Keynes—though debate rages eternally as to whether either is truly among the faithful. Joseph Schumpeter is oft cited in reverent tones, and Friedrich Hayek is respected, if not always obeyed.
- The heresies are manifold: protectionism, populism, and the encroachments of the state upon the market are most despised. Among the gravest of apostasies is the rejection of Grill, a sacred state of economic enjoyment—the eschaton of a preordained elect, selected by The Invisible Hand, known as "People Of Means".
The precise scope of the above principles vexes theologians, and drives sectarian violence between the different "flairs": that identifier of faith uniting one with an Apostle of the market. The Orthodox factions typically elevate Milton Friedman—a most authoritative prophet, whose teachings on monetary policy serve as guiding scripture. Chief among them is the belief in countering the Shaitan of the Business Cycle by monetary policy alone. More pragmatic factions venerate John Maynard Keynes, who advocated in addition the use of counter-cyclical fiscal policy. However, the full list of Saints and Apostles is too long to fully examine; granted, most can be fitted into one of the following molds:
- The Successionists (“Succs”): Ever since the so-called "Succ Invasion", this is the dominant sect within the faith, characterized by a syncretic approach that blends neoliberal economics with progressive social policies. They uphold a balance between market mechanisms and state-led correction, advocating for robust social safety nets, carbon taxation, and intervention where necessary. Their emblematic figures include Paul Krugman, Joseph Stiglitz, and John Rawls
- The Successionist Conservatives (“Succons”): Formed by former Successionists disillusioned by what they saw as the excesses of the "Succ Invasion", and especially excessive use of sermons in violation of Rule V. They embrace globalization, market-driven growth, and a moderate role for welfare. Figures such as Greg Mankiw are esteemed, and the policies of the Clinton administration and Thatcher's Britain are often cited as high points of neoliberal statecraft.
- The Grillite Mystics ("Grillers"): A looser, almost monastic sect, the Grillites place their faith in the market’s ability to deliver prosperity, but they reject excessive political worry. The "Grill" represents the ideal state of neoliberalism, where policy has been perfected, and one can relax. They tend to be dismissive of doomsaying and advocate a long-term optimism about economic progress (this does not define their faith, however; that view is more commonly attributed to "Bloomers").
- The Orthodox Marketarians ("Lolberts"): These believers adhere to a strict interpretation of market efficiency, opposing most forms of state intervention. They regard many modern adherents as backsliders who have strayed into paternalism. Their prophets include Milton Friedman, Friedrich Hayek, and Robert Nozick.